


I'm sure deep down you always knew

by Laramie



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angry Sex, Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 18:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laramie/pseuds/Laramie
Summary: "Aaron, please." Robert was inclining forwards, seeking Aaron's passionate warmth in whatever way he could find it. "Can't we be friends again? I'd do anything, anything you want, if we could just be friends.""Yeah?" Aaron said, his chin jerking up for a second in challenge. His voice was hard as he said, "Get down on your knees andbegfor it, then."





	I'm sure deep down you always knew

**Author's Note:**

> A note on when this is set: the affair era, after Ross told Chrissie that Robert set up the burglary, and Chrissie threw Robert out so he gets drunk and Aaron helps him get back inside. This is set just after we see Diane making Robert coffee - so when Aaron comes downstairs and Paddy and Chas suggest he moves out, he has just come from having sex with Robert lol.
> 
> Warning for angry sex when one character cannot be adequately sure that the other is not drunk. Take care of yourselves, friends.
> 
> Title from the song "Boys" by Matt Fishel.
> 
> If you came here expecting the softness of _What is watered, grows_ , you're not gonna find it.

Robert sat in the pub drinking coffee made by Diane and feeling more miserable than he had in a very long time. He was rapidly sobering up, but the heavy, empty feeling which had pushed him to alcohol in the first place was still there, making it difficult to pull himself out of his lethargy. There were moments he thought he could still feel Aaron's arm wrapped around him, still feel the side of his face against Robert's forehead as Aaron helped him inside and Robert leaned against him; sometimes he thought he could still feel Aaron's lips against his. Part of him still wanted to get drunk enough to make himself forget all of that - forget the way Aaron pushed him away, again; forget the way he  _ wiped his mouth _ afterwards as though Robert was something disgusting. It was probably the taste of alcohol he was wiping away, but Robert had trouble making himself believe that.

He just needed Aaron. His wife hated him, and who else could he turn to, but Aaron? Aaron was the one who was there for him, always. Aaron was always the one who had his back, and Robert had not realised how much he had come to rely on that until Aaron was giving up on him, telling him they were done, turning his back and leaving Robert with this sickly blankness without either of the people he... Well, without Chrissie, and without Aaron. Robert was alone.

He needed more time to think about how to save his marriage, but maybe he could convince Aaron not to hate him.

Robert left his mug on the table and went through the hall, heading up the stairs with equal parts determination and worry. He tried not to remember that time Aaron had stolen his wing mirrors, and they had pushed each other around until they couldn't bear it any more and ran up these same stairs to Aaron's bed.

But of course, he did remember it.

Aaron did not seem to spend all that much time in his bedroom, so Robert was relieved when Aaron opened the door, even if he did just stand there looking at Robert with a coolly expectant expression.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, about earlier," Robert began, trusting his mouth to talk him out of trouble.

"Okay," Aaron said flatly, and made to shut the door on him. It bounced back on the hand Robert hastily flung out. Aaron's eyebrows started drawing together, and Robert knew he had seconds before Aaron started shouting.

"At least let me explain!" he gabbled. He couldn't handle the lack of warmth in Aaron's eyes, the way he was looking at Robert like he was a stranger. "I was drunk, I -"

"You were drunk," Aaron interrupted, his voice apparently calm and yet pulsing with controlled anger. "Chrissie had just kicked you out, you were scared of being alone, and I was there, and you thought I was an easy target."

He was frighteningly on the money - all except the last part. "You were there for me, and I've missed you," Robert corrected quietly. He couldn't tell, from the way Aaron looked at him, whether he was searching for truth in Robert's face or just trying to decide which part of it to land his fist on.

"You're drunk, Robert," Aaron said coldly. "Just fix your marriage and fuck off out of my life."

"I'm not drunk," Robert said. "Not any more. Diane made me the strongest coffee that's ever existed."

Aaron gave a shrug, as though to say he saw right through Robert's attempt to draw him into conversation and wouldn't be moved. It dismissed the comment, too: it didn't matter whether Robert was drunk or not, Aaron still didn't care what he had to say.

"Aaron, please." Robert was inclining forwards, seeking Aaron's passionate warmth in whatever way he could find it. "Can't we be friends again? I'd do anything, anything you want, if we could just be friends."

"Yeah?" Aaron said, his chin jerking up for a second in challenge. His voice was hard as he said, "Get down on your knees and  _ beg _ for it, then."

Robert barely gave it a second thought; he dropped to his knees in the doorway. Clasping his hands by his chin, he looked up at Aaron. Robert might normally be taller, but there was no doubt that Aaron was stronger, and as Aaron glared down at him, Robert felt a stirring of arousal. But that was okay: sex was just friction, arousal was just habit, and Robert's body knew Aaron's touch and how good it could make him feel. It didn't mean he didn't love his wife.

Something had flickered in Aaron's face as Robert knelt: surprise. Robert could work with that. If he could surprise Aaron, he must have something new to say, something that Aaron had not already rejected.

"Please," Robert said again. It was painful to look at the anger Aaron directed at him in his stare, so he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about what I said, I'm sorry I pushed you away, I'm sorry I kissed you. Can we be friends?"

The only answer was the sound of the bedroom door closing.

\--

Aaron leant back against his bedroom door with his eyes shut, breathing deeply, fists clenched. Why did he still have to  _ want _ Robert? After everything Robert had said to him - the  _ we're not real, _ the  _ you mean nothing to me -  _ by rights, Aaron should hate him now, and a part of him did. Another part hated himself for still feeling anything for him. But Robert had also said  _ I love you _ , more than once, and he had kissed Aaron like he couldn't hold himself back so many times. Aaron couldn't help but want him still.

He stayed there for several minutes, trying to calm himself down. He kept telling his mum and Paddy that he could handle this, that he felt nothing for Robert any more. If only he could make that true.

Maybe a cup of tea would help him rebalance. He pushed off from the door again and turned to open it.

Robert was still there.

Robert was still there, kneeling in front of his door. He looked up at the sound of it, stopping Aaron in his tracks. Suddenly his heart was pounding again, and he wasn't sure if he was angry or something else.

"You're still here," he observed.

Robert blinked slowly, as though emerging from a dream. "You didn't tell me to go."

All the feelings Aaron had been trying to suppress came welling up again: he was angry at himself for wanting Robert, he was angry at Robert for making him feel that way, and angry again that Robert had to be so stupidly beautiful and yet such a dick sometimes that it made Aaron want to put him in his place. He hated Robert for giving up on them, and hated him for not giving up now.

Aaron grabbed a fistful of Robert's coat and dragged him up, Robert scrambling to get his feet underneath him before Aaron pulled him into the room and slammed him against the wall next to the door. "Why can't you just  _ leave _ me alone?" he snarled, the words shaking with rage and dripping with suppressed tears. "What do you  _ want _ from me?"

They were close enough to be sharing oxygen; Aaron could feel the frantic movements of Robert's chest under the forearm he had pressed against it.

"Aaron..." Robert whispered. His hands came up to hold the space above Aaron's elbows, then higher, in a touch so light that Aaron could barely feel it through his jacket.

Aaron felt a spark of connection, as though Robert had opened a conduit through the walls built up between them. He had tried so hard to pretend that Robert was a stranger, but he wasn't; he was... he was Robert. He was  _ Robert _ , and the pull of that simple fact was overwhelming as Robert's gaze dropped to his lips.

With a frustrated growl, Aaron surged forwards for a kiss, hearing a thump as the force of it knocked the back of Robert's head against the wall. He might have paused then, but Robert was meeting him with equal urgency, kissing fiercely. Robert's grip tightened on his upper arms, and Aaron couldn't handle it, he couldn't handle Robert pushing or asking for even one centimetre more. He yanked Robert's hands off him.

"Don't touch me," he warned, before stepping in closer and pressing their lips together again. He pushed Robert's jacket off his shoulders and grasped at the bottom of his blue jumper, always eager to get him topless at any opportunity.

As soon as he was bare-chested, Robert reached out to cup a hand around Aaron's cheek, but Aaron grabbed his wrists in each hand and squeezed them up against the wall by Robert's shoulders. He couldn't afford to believe in softness when Robert had told him so clearly that they were nothing. Robert would be back to his wife, or if not, he'd start up with some other woman. Aaron wasn't even in the running, not for anything except sex. Robert was never going to choose him.

"I said don't touch me," Aaron said, his voice low and dangerous.

Robert stared back at him, lips red, naked chest heaving. A silent, motionless struggle seemed to pass between their eyes. Aaron won, though how he knew this - how he even knew there had been a contest - he couldn't have said. Still, it was going to be him calling the shots for this.

"On your knees," he ordered. He liked Robert like that. He was such a cocky shit most of the time that looking down on him made Aaron feel powerful. Releasing one of Robert's wrists, Aaron grabbed at the back of his hair and pulled his head back to look into his face, drawing a gasp. There was fire in Robert's eyes. Secretly, he liked being pushed around. Aaron had seen it in his face every time they had got rough with each other, the way his eyes would darken and his focus would become absolute.

With his freed hand, Robert fumbled with Aaron's fly, parting the flaps of black material and tugging down the waistband of his black underwear to uncover his half-hard cock. He licked his lips and shifted on his knees as he began to stroke Aaron, fast but loose. Aaron sighed heavily at the sensation, releasing Robert's other hand so that he would play with Aaron's balls too. Robert did not disappoint, rubbing them carefully, then giving a gentle tug that made Aaron groan.

"Right - wait there - I'm havin' your mouth -" he managed, before scrambling to grab a condom from the box in the bottom of his wardrobe. He passed it to Robert in another subtle power move which asked him to accept his place; Robert took it. In a few deft movements, he freed it from the packet and rolled it onto Aaron's dick before licking the tip with a flat tongue.

Robert was as good with his mouth at this as he was at lying and talking himself out of trouble, but Aaron tried not to think about that too much as it would be exactly that gift of the gab which would talk him back into bed with Chrissie in the end. It was inevitable, he thought, holding the back of Robert's head to fuck deeper into his mouth - because for now, Robert was still his - or at least enough to pretend.

When Aaron came, he closed his eyes, imagined just for a second that Chrissie didn't exist, that Robert was free and single and actually wanted him. He imagined that Robert had never hurt him.

He turned his back on Robert to remove the condom, wipe himself off with a tissue from the box on top of his chest of drawers, and tuck himself back into his clothes.

"Aaron?" came Robert's voice.

He turned around.

Robert was still kneeling where Aaron had left him. "Aren't you going to touch me?"

Aaron thought again about Chrissie, and felt a rush of anger and pain which made him momentarily cruel. "You don't deserve it," he said, and threw the box of tissues in front of Robert. "Finish yourself off."

He didn't watch, just faced the window and listened to the quiet noises Robert made until he heard one final groan and closed his eyes again. If Robert could only accept that they meant something, this might have made Aaron happy. Instead, he was left with this hollow, directionless anger. Why couldn't Aaron be enough for Robert? Or if not Aaron, why couldn't  _ Chrissie _ be enough for Robert, and Robert just leave him be?

A hand landed gently on Aaron's shoulder, but he shrugged it off at once. "This doesn't change anything, Robert," he said, turning to look at him. He shook his head at the fact that Robert had the gall to look disappointed. "It doesn't change anything."

He left Robert in his room and went downstairs to get himself a drink.


End file.
